No one enjoys having difficult conversations—especially not in the workplace. However, sometimes, these types of discussions are necessary in the interest of your business. Leaders might struggle talking about difficult or touchy topics, but it’s important to brace yourself to broach tough subjects with your team and stakeholders.
To help you better handle these types of conversations, we asked 15 members of Forbes Coaches Council for their best communication tips. Here’s how they recommend keeping your cool and getting your point across without alienating your conversational partner.
1. Take A Deep Breath
There are techniques that are used to manage difficult conversations and diffuse tensions that enshroud them. But one easy-to-remember tip is to take a deep breath. It forces a pause from rapid-fire responses, calms your brain physiologically and gives you and others involved a moment of silence to think and connect. This "think" time conjures up good words to help advance the conversation. - Maryann Billington, Action Leadership Group LLC
2. Listen, Watch And Adapt
Anticipation and pre-scripting how you will control the conversation make it more daunting. This also makes us blind to seeing the other as a person and lends to us ignoring our eyes and ears. Listening and watching during the talk allows you to immediately adapt your words and style to better relate to the person. Pivoting your tone, pace, words or approach makes sure your message is heard. - Lisa K McDonald, Career Polish, Inc.
3. Compartmentalize Your Biases
Conversations are difficult when we allow our biases from either past experiences or future expectations to filter into how we assess the situation. These biases influence what we think we hear, how we label the information and our responses. There should be a process for distancing ourselves from our biases by reminding ourselves that there is no good or bad in what's being communicated. - Dan Lappin, Lappin180
4. Ask For Help
It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help, especially from either a peer or your human resources business partner. You can bounce communication strategies around and even role-play to practice how your message may be coming across. Asking for help when stakes are high in communicating is the strongest thing you can do as a leader, and will ultimately help both parties in the long run. - Joyel Crawford, Crawford Leadership Strategies, LLC.
5. Identify Your Intended Impact
Difficult conversations often have an unintended impact. Start with understanding what you want the person to walk away with, both the message and the impact. Do you want them to feel empowered, chastised or optimistic? From here, think about the messaging, what you say and how you say it. Make your intention clear so that the impact you leave them with is what you intended. - Christine Pouliot, Evocent Leadership Development
6. Be Honest And Humble
To handle a difficult conversation effectively, the feedback provider must be honest with the feedback receiver. Be humble in your approach as you share the specific details about the situation you are trying to convey. Share how the issue may have affected yourself or others and provide support if needed moving forward. Seek to help and not hurt. - Christie Cooper, Cooper Consulting Group
7. Think Through The Worst-Case Scenario
When faced with difficult conversations, your reptilian brain gets involved. If it seems like a "difficult" conversation, it triggers the fight, flight, freeze or appease-others mode for both of you. To shift this, first consciously ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen?” Answer it and then ask yourself, "Can I survive if that happens?" That little interruption allows you to be present. - Janet Zaretsky, Empowered Women Enterprisess, LLC dba Janet Zaretsky
8. Be Direct
"Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it meanly" is a good mantra to live by. It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable. Difficult conversations are just part of most jobs. While people may be unhappy with your message or decision in the short term, in the long term you will be respected for being a straight shooter. Not everyone needs to be happy with you all the time! - Kathy Bernhard, KFB Leadership Solutions
9. Don’t Wait Too Long
Part of what makes difficult conversations so difficult is people avoid them as long as possible. When that “breaking point” is reached, it’s extremely difficult to have a fruitful discussion. If concerns are surfacing, address them quickly. When doing so, begin by appreciating the positive that the employee brings. Next, are the concerns. Finally, engage in a shared exploration of the resolution. - Brian Gorman, TransformingLives.Coach
10. Think About The Other Person's Perspective
A conversation doesn't have to be a difficult one just because you have bad news to deliver. In advance of the conversation, spend some time thinking about how the person on the other end may feel, think or perceive the situation. This usually makes the conversation more constructive and less emotional, while at the same time making it easier for you to handle any objections. - Donald Hatter, Donald Hatter Inc.
11. Adapt Your Communication Style To Your Audience
When diving into difficult conversations, it's critical to understand the communication preferences of those to whom you are speaking. I recommend that leaders take some sort of communication assessment training, such as DISC, to ensure they understand how to come at different styles. We are less effective when we approach the conversation from our perspective only and not the other person's. - Heather R. Younger, J.D., Customer Fanatix, LLC
12. Focus On Core, Human Concerns
During difficult conversations, people have core concerns, such as the need to feel valued, to belong and be understood. While facilitating the difficult discussion, find value in what the other person is saying and acknowledge it. If dealing with a challenge, including the person in the solution by focusing on shared problem solving and teamwork can increase their sense of belonging. - Jonathan Silk, Bridge 3 LLC
13. Script Yourself
One of the best techniques for a difficult conversation is to write it down. Write down your opening and closing and the few points you need to make. Writing forces clear thinking, which results in concise and accurate speech. Since difficult conversations are loaded with anticipation and emotion, by sticking closely to the script, you are more likely to stay centered, present and empathetic. - Teri Citterman, Talonn
14. Be Aware Of Your Emotions And Body Language
Before utilizing any kind of communication strategy or tool, recognize that the root of all discomfort is physiological. During a tough discussion, you’ll feel muscles tense up or your heart rate increase. If things get heightened, your brain might go into fight or flight. Prior to a difficult conversation, remember to sharpen your body awareness and use emotion regulation tools. - Cheryl Leong, Leading with Consciousness
15. Stop Labeling Conversations As Difficult
If we go into the conversation with the intention and expectation it will be difficult, guess what it's going to be! What if we made a conscious decision to approach every conversation as just that, a conversation to be curious and learn about the other person's perspective? Conversation is the foundation of discovery and the opportunity to develop a meaningful solution to move forward. - Kris McCrea Scrutchfield, McCrea Coaching