“Am I really living the way I want to live?” We all struggle with the question of personal meaning throughout our lives. The senior executives, for instance, seem to struggle with this question at the high point of their careers. Why? Many executives hit their professional stride in their forties and fifties, just as their parents are reaching the end of their lives—a reminder that all of us are mortal. What’s more, many of the personality traits associated with career success, such as a knack for problem solving and sheer tenacity, lead people to stick with a difficult situation in the hope of making it better. Then one day, a creeping sensation sets in: Something is wrong. That realization launches a process we have witnessed literally thousands of times in our work coaching managers and executives over the past 14 years.
The process is rarely easy, but we’ve found this type of awakening to be healthy and necessary; leaders need to go through it every few years to replenish their energy, creativity, and commitment—and to rediscover their passion for work and life. Indeed, leaders cannot keep achieving new goals and inspiring the people around them without understanding their own dreams. In this article, we’ll look at the different signals that it’s time to take stock—whether you have a nagging sense of doubt that builds over time until it’s impossible to ignore or you experience a life-changing event that irrevocably alters your perspective.
When to Say When
When asked, most businesspeople say that passion—to lead, to serve the customer, to support a cause or a product is what drives them. When that passion fades, they begin to question the meaning of their work. How can you reawaken the passion and reconnect with what’s meaningful for you? The first step is acknowledging the signal that it’s time to take stock. Let’s look at the various feelings that let you know the time has come.
“I feel trapped.”
Sometimes, a job that was fulfilling gradually becomes less meaningful, slowly eroding your enthusiasm and spirit until you no longer find much purpose in your work. People often describe this state as feeling trapped. They’re restless, yet they can’t seem to change or even articulate what’s wrong. Take the case of Bob McDowell, the corporate director of human resources at a large professional services firm. After pouring his heart and soul into his work for 25 years, Bob had become terribly demoralized because his innovative programs were cut time and again. As a result, his efforts could do little to improve the workplace over the long term. For years he had quieted his nagging doubts, in part because an occasional success or a rare employee who flourished under his guidance provided deep, if temporary, satisfaction. Moreover, the job carried all the usual trappings of success-title, money, and perks. And, like most people in middle age, McDowell had financial responsibilities that made it risky to trade security for personal fulfillment. Factors such as these conspire to keep people trudging along, hoping things will get better. But clinging to security or trying to be a good corporate citizen can turn out to be a prison of your own making.
“I’m bored.”
Many people confuse achieving day-to-day business goals with performing truly satisfying work, so they continue setting and achieving new goals until it dawns on them that they are bored. People are often truly shaken by this revelation; they feel as if they have just emerged from a spiritual blackout. Nick Mimken, the owner of a successful insurance agency, who increasingly felt that something was missing from his life. He joined a book group, hoping that intellectual stimulation would help him regain some enthusiasm, but it wasn’t enough. The fact was, he had lost touch with his dreams and was going through the motions at work without experiencing any real satisfaction from the success of his business.
“I’m not the person I want to be.”
Some people gradually adjust to the letdowns, frustrations, and even boredom of their work until they surrender to a routine that’s incompatible with who they are and what they truly want. Consider, for instance, John Lauer, an inspirational leader who took over as president of BFGoodrich and quickly captured the support of top executives with his insight into the company’s challenges and opportunities and his contagious passion for the business. But after he’d been with the company about six years, we watched Lauer give a speech to a class of executive MBA students and saw that he had lost his spark. Over time, Lauer had fallen in step with a corporate culture that was focused on shareholder value in a way that was inconsistent with what he cared about. Not surprisingly, he left the company six months later, breaking from corporate life by joining his wife in her work with Hungarian relief organizations. He later admitted that he knew he wasn’t himself by the end of his time at BFGoodrich, although he didn’t quite know why. How did Lauer stray from his core? First, the change was so gradual that he didn’t notice that he was being absorbed into a culture that didn’t fit him. Second, like many, he did what he felt he “should,” going along with the bureaucracy and making minor concession after minor concession rather than following his heart. Finally, he exhibited a trait that is a hallmark of effective leaders: adaptability. At first, adapting to the corporate culture probably made Lauer feel more comfortable. But without strong self awareness, people risk adapting to such an extent that they no longer recognize themselves.
“I won’t compromise my ethics.”
The signal to take stock may come to people in the form of a challenge to what they feel is right. Such was the case for Niall FitzGerald, former cochairman of Unilever, when he was asked to take a leadership role in South Africa, which was still operating under apartheid. The offer was widely considered a feather in his cap and a positive sign about his future with Unilever. Until that time, FitzGerald had accepted nearly every assignment, but the South Africa opportunity stopped him in his tracks, posing a direct challenge to his principles. How could he, in good conscience, accept a job in a country whose political and practical environment he found reprehensible? The problem is, people often miss this particular signal because they lose sight of their core values. Sometimes they separate their work from their personal lives to such an extent that they don’t bring their values to the office. As a result, they may accept or even engage in behaviors they’d deem unacceptable at home. Other people find that their work becomes their life, and business goals take precedence over everything else. Many executives who genuinely value family above all still end up working 12-hour days, missing more and more family dinners as they pursue success at work. In these cases, people may not hear the wake-up call. Even if they do, they may sense that something isn’t quite right but be unable to identify it or do anything to change it.